Amaze Yourself: How Winning an Award Helped Me Understand Imposter Syndrome
A long time ago I read or heard that if we, as humans, accomplished all we were capable of, we'd amaze ourselves. Using myself as a case study, I'll explore how I amazed myself, which created a feeling of imposter syndrome.
Amazed, Surprised, and Imposter Syndrome
I have surprised myself but never amazed myself until this year.
Typically, I achieve what I set out to do to the level I am capable of, mostly through hard work or study or both. Sometimes, I had a team behind me, and other times I had friends or family to lean on. Once in a while, it was through sheer determination never to quit. Some of those achievements surprised me, but because I had worked hard, I embraced those accomplishments. I've observed many people achieve their goals using the same method.
Until this year, I've often thought of writing about imposter syndrome, but I didn't feel qualified.
That's because I didn't feel like an imposter until they awarded me Gold in the 2025 Global Book Award category of Teen & Young Adult: Body, Mind, & Spirit for Silisia Dances. When I received the email congratulating me on my gold award, my first thought was, "Who, me? My book won gold? For real? Did they get it right? I hope it isn't a mistake."
That's when I truly understood what imposter syndrome was and is.
My internal struggles don't run in that vein. Those of you who have a subscription to my newsletter know that. My newsletter also shares what my latest writing project is and when I plan to release it, but I digress.
Have you ever amazed yourself?
What the Award Did for Me
I realized that it's not something I have control over.
I took action and submitted my book to the Global Book Awards. Their judges deemed it worthy of both a bronze and a gold award. They based it on the entries they received and compared it to.
Come to think of it, I've received many accolades and positive reviews for Silisia Dances Toward Her Dream. However, I received some comments that were somewhat less positive from a grandmother I know well. She told me it would only be good for girls, not boys, because it's all about a little girl. Hmmm. That contrasts with the two grandmothers who told me they were buying the book for their grandsons because of the lessons in it.
This award validates what most readers think about my debut children's book.
Which Critic Do You Listen To?
Do you listen to your inner critic or to outer critics?
Don't get me wrong, criticism can and does help us to improve. It's knowing which criticism to listen to and when. Which criticism is the most helpful, but that's for another post at a different time.
Do you listen to your supporters, followers, and friends?
Learning to Accept Accolades
I was pleased that I was open to accepting accolades. This is a practice I started years ago. To say thank you and not add any other comments to my thank you. The reason I had to learn to do that is because of the culture and community I grew up in. It was standard to dismiss any congratulatory comments of 'looks good' or 'well done' by saying, 'this old thing?' or 'it really was nothing'.
It was easy to change my behaviour when I recognized others had given me a gift of accolades, and I was being ungracious in how I accepted them. I extrapolated that way of being to my inner critic. Now, she says thank you and feels gratitude for any and all positive comments.
Recognize and Acknowledge Achievements
I belong to an online group of writers called Write Catalyst, founded by Christa Wojciechowski. We meet weekly via Zoom. At year-end, we, as a group, remember our achievements and reflect on the reasons we may not have achieved everything we set out to at the beginning of the year.
It solidifies that other people have roadblocks, sometimes ones they put up for themselves. It's heartwarming to acknowledge and congratulate others for their wins – whether they think those wins are big or small.
This year, I paid attention to how I felt at the end of our author year-end review. I have one word for it – amazing.