Keep Creating: How to Push Through Doubt and Fear as a Writer
I have found that the doubt and fear that come from within are far louder and stronger than any critic's comments from without.
Holding Plainfolk in my hands
The proud emotions I had when I held my published book – Plainfolk – in my hands were nearly as great as when I said, “I do!” on my wedding day or when I held each of my babies in my arms for the very first time.
These joyful and exciting emotions surrounded me and flowed through me as I showed my book to someone I had grown up with and was very close to.
I’m sure my shoulders were thrown back, and I bounced on the balls of my feet as I pointed to the testimonials and reviews on the back cover from three published authors.
I was so proud that I had overcome my fear of asking three authors to write a testimonial for my back cover, and I was excited because my back cover looked like a ‘real’ book – with testimonials, reviews, a book description, an author bio, and a picture!
Crushing Critic Comment
This person’s first comment was, “Oh, I don’t know any of those authors.”
It devastated me to the point of tears. For weeks, those tears flowed every time I thought of that interaction.
It took a while, a long while, for me to realize that that person did not write books and therefore had no idea of the courage it takes to send your creation out into the world.
Nor did she know the inner struggle I had to keep going. To write the book, ask for help in creating it, then take a leap of faith and invest in getting it professionally edited, formatted, and printed.
Internal Journey
By the way, FriesenPress did an amazing job. I know this because it’s validated by virtually everyone who sees the book, gently lays their hand on the cover, and says, “Oh!” as they move their hand across my book.
It took even longer for me to realize that what I had told myself (internal and known only to me) was not known to anyone else. You see, I had convinced myself that I would be forgiven for any errors in a book such as this.
Let me explain. Part of the book included many hours of research, during which I discovered that there was, in fact, a distinct cultural group called German-Russians. I explored how this group came to be and shared it in my book.
I am confident that I am fully capable of writing research projects to a high degree of accuracy; after all, I hold three degrees, and no one earns a degree without learning this skill.
In addition to the research, I included genealogical exploration, complete with ancestral charts and lists of descendants. Secretly, I figured that every one of the more than 1,000 relatives I discovered would be interested.
Then I used “heart truths”, more commonly known as creative nonfiction, to bring these people to life as I shared stories of how they thought, planned, and gained the courage to leave the land they knew and move to a new country (twice in the space of five generations). I kind of figured that that was a brilliant addition to this book.
Surely, I told myself, everyone who enjoys history and the migration of people would love this book!
As I share these thoughts with you, I find that it sounds like I was a very confident writer. I have since found that when I start a book, I have an excitement that transcends any doubt.
The Self-Critic Sneaks In
It's only once I start writing that my inner critic kicks in, flooding me with self-doubt and trying to stop me from finishing a book that might not be warmly received.
My self-criticism will then escalate the critiques and, if ignored, intensify them until I start listening. Hmmm. Not so confident, eh?
By the way, this is a natural aspect of being human. Our subconscious will do everything possible to stop us from doing scary things that may harm us.
As I reflected on the question - What gets me to the stage of ‘a published book’? I discovered two key elements that continue to be mandatory to accomplish this:
A writing sister who believes in me and encourages me weekly, and sometimes daily, to keep writing because it’s worth it and that I have an excellent writing style.
I tell myself—throughout the day and every time I sit down to write—What you write is more than what is there now.
Anyway, that’s what was going through my mind as I proudly handed a copy to this person, whom I thought I knew.
For many months, that critique hung like a dark storm cloud in my psyche and overshadowed the numerous comments I received from readers, who told me, “I couldn’t put it down!” and “Thank you for taking me down memory lane.”
How to Overcome the Dark Critiques and Clueless Critics
Now, I’ve trained myself to look for the comments from the readers who enjoy my style of writing.
And I remember, in detail, the sights, sounds, and warm-fuzzy feelings invoked by the toughest of critics (those aged seven to nine) who clapped when they heard me read my children’s book to them and then told me to “Write more books. I want to read them.”
Plus, I remind myself that there are books I've read and others I haven’t, even if they are written by the best-known authors out there.
It goes without saying that if I refuse to read authors such as Steven King, there will be many people who won’t read what I write.
However, many people will. It’s my job to share my work with those who are looking for it.
Interiority
This is a very long way of sharing how internal thoughts – in the writing world, it’s called interiority – are far stronger than any critic out there.
I’d have never understood the process I go through when writing, had I not persevered.
It behooves us, as writers and as someone stepping into a new job or activity, to recognize this and find ways to encourage our internal critic to sit out during a writing session when our muse is present or those first days into our new activity and to bring her in when we need her for self-editing (or improvement) purposes.
How To Engage and Grow Your Perseverance
There are critics outside and inside. They aren’t going anywhere.
I encourage each of you to reflect deeply on your experiences when starting a new job or undertaking a new activity.
Look for nuggets of positive experiences and bring them to the forefront of your psyche to bolster you. That is what grows your perseverance.
I’d love to hear from you. What is your process of perseverance? Share in the comments below.